The Ps and Qs of German manners

Germans used to shake hands all the time before the pandemic. It often felt like a national sport. It was done in formal settings like business meetings, to seal a deal, when meeting a person, to congratulate someone or even to say "happy birthday." Even kids did it. Now, post-pandemic, it's up for grabs, but politely refusing a handshake is no longer considered rude.

In more informal or personal settings, the handshake used to sometimes be accompanied by a kiss on both cheeks or on just one, but only among people who know each other relatively well. A hug was/is reserved for family members or close friends. The pandemic changed everything: the footshake and elbow-bump developed. Now, three years later, most people think twice about how to greet one another.

German has a formal version for you, "Sie." Always address someone you meet for the first time in a formal setting with "Sie" to show your respect. The informal "Du" may be used in private settings upon meeting, but only among people of the same age or to a younger person. "Sie" is always used for someone older, outside of the family, until the elder invites you to use "Du" instead.

You also always use "Sie" when calling public places or requesting something formally on the telephone. Before doing anything else, introduce yourself: "Guten Tag, mein Name ist ..." Also, don't be startled when calling someone's home number or direct extension, and rather than saying "Hello?" they merely say their last name. It's the German version of telling you you've dialed the right number.

When bumping into someone you don't know or approaching an unfamiliar person to ask them something, you always say "Entschuldigen Sie!" or the shorter "Entschuldigung." To apologize for a minor disturbance, Germans are also known to use the English "sorry" — but it sounds more casual and it's not used as excessively as in many English-speaking countries.

Knocking on a door to announce one's arrival is clearly not unique to Germany, but sometimes the manner in which Germans do it is. At someone's house door, you wait for them to open it up to you. But at a doctor's office, for instance, you may be sitting in an examination room and the doctor will knock or tap once and then immediately open the door, perhaps so you are not caught unawares.

Germans are often very thoughtful when it comes to giving gifts, especially to hosts. When invited to dinner at someone's house, you can take a bottle of wine, chocolate or bestow them with flowers. Passing on a bouquet is also standard for showing gratitude or gifting someone on their birthday, even someone you don't know well.

Punctuality is obviously an absolute must for any formal meeting or appointment. In private settings in Germany, friends may forgive arriving a little late to a dinner date, but anything over 10 or 15 minutes could be considered rude. It's best to call or text and relay the delay.

Never in a formal setting, but in private contexts, Germans often take their shoes off immediately when entering their own or someone else's home. They'll either leave them on the front step, or when it's cold, park them in the hallway. Without all the trudging through the house with street shoes or boots, it's certainly more hygienic and saves on cleanup.

Once they've left their shoes at the door, many Germans slip into their Hausschuhe (house shoes). Not only a cozy practice, it can also symbolize that "you're home." Some Germans, especially those with kids, may take along slippers or extra socks when invited to a friend's house. It shows you're respectful of their space.

It's considered polite to keep both hands (but no elbows!) on the table while resting during a meal, and not holding one hand on your lap. Eating with the fork in your left hand and the knife in your right is also mannerly, not switching back and forth. You toast by holding the stem of a wine glass, not its globe. That also makes for a better ring!

While resting during a meal, you should prop your fork upside-down on the left side of the plate and your knife on the right, slanting downward, in an 8:20 clock position. Once you're done, you lay your knife and fork parallel across the right side of the plate, at the 4:20 clock position (photo) to signify to the waiter or your table guest that you have finished.

German speakers, like the French, have a graceful expression for signifying the start of a meal. Rather than the long, slightly awkward "Enjoy your meal" that native English speakers use, or the rough patois of "dig in," "Guten Appetit!" is succinct and celebratory. It's also fun to say. This gallery is an updated version in March 2023 of one originally published in March 2019.